January 2011
44 posts
you’ve stolen my eyes, and i’ll never look back
birds...
i watched the notebook, and i keep listening to we are birds by brighten, but i think of me and you. if youre a bird, then i would want to be a bird more than anything in the world! but you would be a beautiful swan, whereas i would be something unimportant like a hummingbird or something. a hummingbird is so small that no one hunts them because it would be a waste of a bullet for how much the...
having hope for a future! :)
so today is a term i use loosely because i went to bed at 8:30 this morning after an all nighter with my friends, and then i woke up at 3 something and so this blog has an 8 hr gap :)
my friends are incredible! at around 5 this morning, we all just talked about our personal relationships, past, present, and future. they gave me confidence and hope that i could be the man that i want to be for...
i know i’m good for something. i just haven’t found it yet. i’m not sad, but this song is just too good to now speak to me! :)
I haven’t found it yet, but i’m getting close!
so i woke up today and all was well :) not great, but not bad! i love how sleep can solve so many problems ^_^ i can sort of wake up new ever morning :) the song i posted earlier helped me lots! even when tomo (my roommate) played that really depressing song, i was stronger through it! so today was a success i’d say.
today was busy though! one high point though, was in my private...
my song of the day: totally feelin it!
sorry about these long blogs...really
so this morning, i woke up thinking “damnshitfuck!” and i dont really like cussing THAT much, but i just didn’t wanna live today! i slept through my first class, was late to the next one, skipped chapel, and slept through lunch. half of my sleep consisted of happy daydreams, the other half was some depressing feeling that i dont know. then i went to my last class, came back and...
what the fuck!!?? thoughts in my shower...
man! no one wants to read two long blogs in close succession of one another!
o well. here goes:
i was just chillin in the shower, and suddenly, i feel my heartbeat drop and my breathing becomes faint, and then i realize i’m thinking of leeann!
thought process:
what the fuck!? i don’t want to! i want to move on! i have friends, family, and a gorgeous crush who i’m too shy to...
tuesdays and planning
i woke up this morning, and after my minute of daydreaming, i realized i had 7 mins to get ready and get to my 8 a.m piano class. so i was late. ;p the rest of the day was already planned in my head from the night before (i don’t have planners, so i plan a day in advance in my head ^_^), and i planned on it sucking, so the late thing was just bonus ;p
after piano class, i had a short...
this girl
it is hard for me to believe that someone as beautiful as you exist. i just can’t take my eyes off of you. even when they are closed. my eyes won’t stop seeing your face. i want to know every little bit of you. i want to be the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of when you go to bed. i want to be the only one to make you smile. i want to be the...
o theory
how i love music theory?! let me count the nerdy ways ^_^ today, in theory, we learned about enharmonic modulations, which doesn’t mean much to anyone! even other music majors make a gagging sound when i mentioned it :) but i loved it! it has kept me pumped all day!! it opened doors into chromaticism that i never imagined!!! it was awesome!!! and i went music nerd all day long! just...
;oidnva
so i slept through church today, but let’s not talk bout that…
i spent half my day with my fam (while daydreaming of You).
then the other half doin hw and just chillin (again while daydreaming of You).
o! and my best friend asked me to be his best man!!!!!! that made me so happy! it’s perfect too cuz i’ve had a speech planned for his reception for like the past 2 months!...
THIS ONE TOO!!! ^_^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhXjjccn0aQ
o man i'm on a roll!!
today was great! just like yesterday!! i think it’s you. daydreams of you keep me so happy no matter the situation! i had a gig in plainview tonight and i played for an hour straight with no breaks!! my arm was about to fall off!!! but i was still happy :) idk why, but if i’d have to guess, i’d say it’s because of you :)
i don’t need the radio, cause when i think of...
My Friday
today was just amazing! i have great plans for my weekend: watch Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (for the third time this week), Watch 500 days of Summer, cuz i really want to now! and last, but definitely not least, listen to music! i am looking forward to that! i’m just going to go crazy! like i’ll start with chopin and beethoven ,then work my way to just the band music! ^_^ this is...
A letter from Beethoven to his Secret Lover :)
Beethoven lived a generally lonely and painful life, and it is evident in his music, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t have someone he wished to love. this is a letter to her from my textbook that i read today instead of listening to the teacher lecture and it is too beautiful (i think).
“Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully,...
i'm not crazy. i'm just a little unwell (sorry for...
tonight, after posting the blog before this one, i felt so confident that i was better and that i was strong enough to play the songs that i wrote for leeann. but i played the one i wrote her right before i left for college, and i have been going downhill since. i haven’t stopped thinking back to my reasons (intentions mean alot to me). i thought of why i am so dependent, and why i’m...
how can it be that you are so gorgeous? how can it be that you are so smart? how can it be that you have the most perfect smile? how can it be that you are so endlessly fascinating? how can it be that you are so perfectly imperfect?
how can it be that i believe with all my heart that you are the one thing that can make me happy, and yet i do little to nothing at all to talk to you? i must be...
so today was productive and non-productive! :) productive in that i felt great all day! feel like my life is going up :) and non-productive in that i really didn’t accomplish much in terms of school :) lol but it’s just the beginning of the semester, so there’s really nothing to do ;p
but! my production did consist of nearly constant daydreaming of this one girl :) is it bad...
good day for hope! :)
today was a good day! :) i woke up and just laid in bed for an hour or so. i read through my old blogs on my xanga a long time ago, and i realized that i was a cool dude! lol but i digress :)
today, i hung out with tayler and evan, but evan was just blah! afterwards, i couldn’t get out of lubbock fast enough! i feel like i need to be doing something! for some reason, i want to be busy!...
Love is strong, but i super duper like! :D
I FORGIVE MYSELF! the best way to begin again!
so i finished a book “Looking for Alaska” by John Green. it is amazing! i HIGHLY suggest you read it! ^_^ and if anyone wants, i’ll lend it to ya :) so here is how it effected me (as little spoilers as possible).
it is of a teenager (later nicknamed pudge) who goes to a private school in search for “The Great Perhaps.” essentially he is in search for purpose, life,...
the beginning
so i went and checked on leeann’s blog, but something weird happened (but i didn’t realize it til later). she was talking about how she is in love with nathan. i freaked! i was screamin so loud in my head. i had friends over, but was cold to them for the rest of the night. i was furious! i was enraged! i was picturing myself yelling at her about how someone could even fall in love with...
a Reason
i need one. i don’t have a reason to keep me from getting stoned with my pothead friends. i don’t have a reason to keep me from getting drunk at my sister’s. i don’t have a reason to keep me from stepping off this cliff’s edge that i wish i were standing on. maybe there, i could find a reason. but i don’t have one.
ugh! i need to not have school and be in...
i know! 3 blogs in one day
but i just needed to get this off my chest.
i was thinking tonight about leeann again. it’s like the day makes me ok (like the blog below), but the night makes me horribly depressed! so i was thinking about why it didnt feel like i’ve been anywhere. i feel like i’ve ran a marathon, but i look behind me and the starting line is still touching my heels! all the previous blogs...
Cuz this still makes me feel good :) no matter...
a long, but hopefully good one :)
so last night, i could not sleep! it was sorta kinda horrible. i kept thinking about things i could’ve done different with her to make things better, or for the relationship to work. i spent forever trying to keep myself from calling you and just asking for you to wish me the sweetest dreams. i wanted to hear that so badly! BUT i controlled myself! :) so i suppose that’s a win, but i...
first day of school!
i realized today that i did not pack any blankets or sheets, so i have a blank bed in the middle of winter ;p lol sleepin in muh clothes! O TOWELS!! i forgot towels too!!! >_<
so school is back. i missed all the people, but in reality, i wish the break didn’t end. i’m not done fixing this stuff (or whatever i’m doing, cuz i’m supposed to have given up right?) either...
Good night. Duermas con los angelitos (sleep with...
Fayul!
So i learned today that my classes start tomorrow!! ;p lame! i had so many plans for this last week! i can’t believe i messed the dates up so badly!
this whole “not caring about life” thing is working pretty well for me. i feel free. now i just need to stop feeling alone, and all will be perfect again…
UGH SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!!!!! >_<
New Year...
Cheers!
ok! i think i just posted my last blog on my xanga. so! i can give this blog more attention! ^_^ it must think i am cheating on it! lol
so! my day was ok, then horrible, and is sorta looking better? i am not sure, but i have officially become an observer of life. i am giving up on trying to make things better, and am just going to stop caring. maybe that was my problem? i cared too much! i have...
i think i climbed a mountain today, but i’m afraid that i burned a bridge :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuSiz5oyZXU&feature=bf_next&list=PL75FE89EFAF764276&index=16&shuffle=248
rough draft for my xanga
i have this thought that i want to put on my main blog, but i’ve posted too much too close together on that one, so i am waiting for the right time. so i will put it here so i won’t forget:
i was listening to Edge of Desire by John Mayer, and i heard the line “just a great figure eight, a tiny infinity” and i thought to myself: what the heck is a TINY infinity? and i...
this girl
it’s official: i can’t get her out of my mind! today was the first day i have been genuinely happy from start to finish! and i have thought and talked about leeann a dozen times, but i am staying happy and strong! it’s all thanks to this girl! i can’t stop daydreaming about her. today, i just layed in bed listening to music and daydreaming :) that’s how a christmas...
i could be the guy that holds you in his arms. i can protect you. i can give kisses that give you butterflies. i can give you a relationship. i can be myself around you. i can set you free. i can be set free by you. we can fix both of our worlds. maybe “i’m what you need, but he’s what you want, no not me”
i think i can be better for you. i’m making myself better...
i like to pretend
not that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars….more like what it would be like if we were having the conversations we have face to face. :) i’m in a good mood right now cuz we talked and i like to pretend that i could see you and that i made you smile :) i would like to make you smile ^_^ cuz that would also involve seeing you ^_^ until then….i will pretend ^_^ cuz...
I wish it were my b-day
no one’s alone on their birthday. and i’d wish for you :]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywsvxgmb1zs&feature=BF&list=PL5B7019B4B937D694&index=17&shuffle=121
i blame the night time for me feeling lonely! i tell myself to go to bed early, before the loneliness can creep up on me, but by the time i realize i need to leave, it’s already there and i lose the ambition to sleep. i started a conversation with you that lasted one response long! it was enough i guess. i shouldn’t expect more. after all, you and i barely know each other. it would be...
why do i fail? ;/
what can a guy do to get a girl to notice him? i googled it, cuz i’m a nerd, and THERE’S SO MUCH JUNK WE HAVE TO DO and many of them have a low probability of success. and now that i’ve done all of this, and read some stuff, it seems that i fall into the stalker category (which involved wanting to do over-the-top things too early in the relationship) ;( THAT SUX! i’m...
forget music=therapy! try music = life!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wigqKfLWjvM
LOVE THIS SONG!!! after all…it’s an inanimate object ;)
i miss someone smiling at me. i kinda feel needy, cuz i NEED someone here to sorta break my fall, hold me back, give me permission to breathe, let me share my life with.
at this moment, i want it to be you, just out of pure curiosity (because i don’t know you THAT well) and...
Damn it
gonna be single for, most likely, a long time unless fate decides to like me randomly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvMVCHhwTPs&feature=related <==== let’s get rich and build our house on a mountain
Today
I climbed a mountain!
i choose to move forward
