February 2011
36 posts
i wish
i wish we talked. i thought i had fixed things, but idk. maybe i’m still too unstable? i dont know. i just know that you still have pieces.
i am starting to hate my drives to lubbock and back. i have too much time to think of you, and no matter what emotions i have when i think of you (whether i remember happy memories or become bitter), i always end up feeling the same by the end of the...
playin basketball with the guys today was great! we’re pretty much makin it a weekly thing :) it’s nice to be able to just be or say whatever i want around them. the thing is, they can tell how different i am. not good or bad way, just that i’m not who i was. i have decided that i love saturdays! i went to a play tonight at wayland and it was amazing! it makes me want to be in...
it's 5:07 am
and i’m still awake! i have a viola lesson at 12:30 this afternoon! but i cant sleep! ugh! today was a great day! i went to melanie’s senior piano recital and it was just phenomenal!!!! beethoven and chopin!??! yes please!!!! :DDDD i didnt get to leave for lubbock till like 9:30 or something, and the drive to lubbock was not good! i couldnt stop thinking the old thoughts and i actually...
i love thursdays!
they’re my favorite! they’re my easiest, because i have finished giving all lessons, i have finished my week of music history and spanish. i have nothing but a relaxing weekend ahead of me :) today was especially good cuz i got a good nap in before my private comp lesson :) and i got to show dr. belshaw my new composition and he didnt say anything bad about it! :D he didnt really say...
waking up new
don’t get the wrong idea from the title. it is the song that probably best describes my day. (it’ll be down there). I woke up today feeling as though that day was yesterday and i woke up still having those hopes of “us” again. it wasn’t good. memories of you are one thing, but that hope is something else. that hope is what kills me. so i have been putting my hopes in...
so...tired!
i’m so tired!!! i dont want to do my hw!!! maybe i shouldnt have spent all night jammin with rachel! but it was fun :) i was just thinking while jamming that there are about ten things i NEED to do, but this was the one thing on the current list i WANTED to do. so i didnt do anything i needed to do! lol
i can feel the transition phase in my life happening. it’s good i think. the only...
today
sleep and busy.
ok. good short blog :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=790fmoRF1PI&feature=related <=== i love it when kids sing :) not so much with sarah brightman lol
back!!!
so my weekend was near perfect! tyler’s wedding was just incredible! i am so thankful for him… and kristin for marrying him ;D i’ll just tell ya right now: i cried lol but so did tayler and evan! it was just such an amazingly beautiful wedding and it was so great to be able to see their faces when they said their vows and things like that :) and the reception was fun :) and...
Fantastic day!!!!! More later with comp :DDDDDDD
1 tag
I’m on my iPod so let’s make this one short :)
I’m in California and it’s amazing! Tyler’s getting married tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m nervous for him :) lol I think we, the groomsmen, all are, and it means we are all doing everything to try and make him happier :) it feels good doing things for a friend with the only intention to make him happy :D it is a good...
tomorrow
i go to california!! actually i leave in a couple hours, but it’s tomorrow to me ^_^
the guys are over and we just talked for like a few hours about our lives, and it was so good to get their inputs and learn from their experiences just as i hope they learn something from mine. i just cant get over how much the people around me have helped me to become a better person :)
i just cant get...
Exceptions and Rules
so today was good :) at chapel we had a guest speaker and he was incredible :) it felt good to know that i’m not alone even in my religious walk. he also mentioned that he and his wife dated for 5 years, then broke up for 3 years, and then got back together and are now married for 2 years now!
how crazy is that!?!?!? now dont get freaked out like i got any ideas or anything. i understand...
Tuesdays and the great debate
o man today was crazy :) i played so much viola that i dont even wanna think about it right now! lol but in the moment, it was amazing :) i love how music can release me from everything and can make things better :) and as a music major, that’s alot of time lol
i just finished a take home test that was due at midnight :) PROCRASTINATORS UNITE!!! ;D and it’s fun hanging out with david...
please don't hate me for this...
at this point, i am merely writing to get my thoughts out. though i am not angry or vulgar, i encourage few people, if any, to read this. if you do, please don’t hate me. i am merely pondering these things…
so, had some shower thinking again. it was stupid! all i could think of was how i have become this pessimistic beast! it took this damn day for me to realize it. my guess is just...
what a day!
busy like a flippin bee! i went to 3 choir rehearsals in one day! i feel like a vocalist and that’s not a good thing! blech! :)
o! it’s also Valentine’s Day. compared to previous valentine’s days and the context of this one…i hate it :) yep.
i mean think about it: last V-day was one of the best days of my life! not just for a holiday, but days period! so this one...
this is my theory homework. be jealous ^_^
“The Girl with the Flaxen Hair” by Debussy. flaxen (in case youre like me and didnt know) means golden brown. sort of like a brown/blonde. so i can just imagine debussy in love with a beautiful blonde woman and cant help but to write for her. and jascha heifetz is the best violinist ever :)
let's try and keep this one short...ish :)
hey, do you remember this song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xDbE1nFcDM&feature=related i just happened upon it by chance last night and i immediately began to remember when you’d sing it to me (with my name instead) :) i was sad last night, but now, i feel different. like, i am smiling at the happy memory, but i dont feel THAT sad. idk why i’m not sad. i have no crush, i have...
i'm sleepy :)
last night i went to bed at like 1:30 but didnt fall asleep til probably 3 ish, but i did sleep til noon, and yet i was tired all day long!!!!
i woke up and instantly started hanging out with tayler, ronnie, and evan :) instantly because they met at my house and i just slept til they woke me up lol
we went to seoul!!! still one of my faves, but i forgot my togo box!!! >_< and then we hung...
ugh! times when i hate naps!
are all these long blogs annoying? 0_0
so, i only had one class today, and it was choir at 9! so i got to go home early :) it was nice to relax for a few hrs before my private lessons (which i fear each week!). then i came home, and just sat there and was pretty much a vegetable until like 8 somethin when i just went to bed! SLEEPY!!!!!!!!!! and now i’ve woken up, and i probably wont sleep...
a great day off :)
all of my music classes were cancelled today (which are the only classes i have on thurs) so i slept in til 2!!! :DDD
i laid in bed for a while just mulling over the things that happened and just planning for the future. like what should i do if this happens or that happens. it was not the best way to start off my day, cuz it just made me sorta bitter and angry and sad, but i was like “no...
do you remember when you were a kid and you were trying something for the first time? for instance, when i went repelling off a cliff at camp. i was so scared of it, because i’m scared of heights. i had people at the bottom who had gone through it. they were cheering me on and telling me it’d be alright. i had people beside me going through it with me too, and they weren’t as...
i know. i was suppose to take a break from...
first thing’s first: sarah, you need to not feel guilty. just go with the flow and hate me, and then move on. or better yet, forget i exist! that’d be your best bet. cuz you shouldn’t have to feel hurt or sad from all this.
second: i found and read the note you wrote me in the journal you gave me, and i cant stop crying when i think about it. i can’t stop because i know...
would you kill for this? just a little bit?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=293h41Bd-Do
last blog for a while. i think i've blogged a...
just a synopsis of my life, so that everyone who hates me can either hate me more, or at least understand where the hell i’m coming from. there’s only about 3 ppl i know who read this, so there’s only so many that it can be to.
so, the first bad thing was when i dated rachel after leeann. i thought you wanted me to move on, so i thought it would make you happy. i literally used...
you are right.
so if you haven’t listened to the song in the blog before this one, i suggest you do, or the first half of this wont make sense.
ok. so i have been listening to that song literally constantly since i posted the blog last night. i listened to it for an hour and a half constantly while i laid in bed last night. i slept through all of my classes, and then i woke up and listened to this song,...
i'm sorry for all of these blogs. you dont have to...
i am not good. i was not a good boyfriend. i was, and am, poison. i am a parasite that only sucks the life from those around me. i need to take your advice and just fuck off. i cant stop crying, and it is because i know all of these things are true. people shouldnt be around me, because i will only cause them pain. please leeann, finish what i started, and please just pull the trigger. the world...
bipolar? idk. just a side of me a few have seen i...
hi. you are currently reading the words of a brian that some have not met. you, leeann, have met plenty, and have even already talked to him. this is apathetic/emotionless/douchebag brian. i know! who knew right!? well, this brian says some mean things after a while. like, for the first forever or so (because i’ve never really gotten this bad before) i have kept the asshole things kept in my...
FUCK!!!!
ugh! my day got shitty after three minutes in daybreak, and i will tell you why, cuz that’s what you do in a blog: vent!
i walked into daybreak with my book and daydreams of seeing you there, but i didnt see you. i saw leeann and her bf (whom i will from now on refer to as “asshole”) it seems juvinile (not gonna try and spell that word), but i dont really care right now. i was...
what do you see?
got a shave and a haircut today. it feels good, but i sorta have thick lips, and, though it makes me a good kisser ;D, i dont like them much in pictures of me :) lol but i still enjoy the cold face in wintertime :)
so i went to a viola recital, and it was awesome and made me wanna practice and compose, but that’s all to that story :)
afterwards, i went to daybreak to read my awesome...
yes, perhaps you
We celebrate the first date, the first kiss, the first holiday together - But what really counts is what happened before this public story: That moment, more of pulse that of thought, which goes - “Yes, perhaps her, and Yes, perhaps him.” - Julian Barnes
newness
first off, i went to daybreak and read for a couple hrs tonight, and i realized that daybreak is my sanctuary! i love that place! i feel like i can be whatever i want there. it’s a weird feeling to get from a local coffee shop :) but i cant stop going there! i’ve been there every weekend for the past month, and i’ll probably go everyday this weekend, cuz i started an amazing...
now :)
i am currently wearing a tuxedo with the shirt untucked and my collar unbuttoned with my tie hanging down! i feel like i should be in a black and white movie where i’m out on the street doing whatever i do that would be cooler because of this sweet outfit! lol :)
i just had an incredible experience with a friend of mine! he’s a pianist/composer/theorist, so we get along well :) and i...
Feeling lonely
and what a stupid emotion that is! loneliness! especially at a time like now. i have a paper to write by tomorrow. i need to practice for my lessons, and i have a concert tomorrow, but i still have time to wish you were here and wish that i werent alone while i do all of these things that are accomplished more efficiently if alone. i would rather stay up even later writing this paper, cuz i was...
i feel like blogging
i want to blog for some reason….idk why ;p
so…i am really hating how much i am loving sad songs lately. it makes me want to be someone’s something. i want to be there for someone. i know i am not a very charming person. i’m not the smoothest talker. i’m uber nerdy and awkward, but i want to be someone’s something. i feel like i would become more charming, more...
weather!
i love this weather! :D snow and sun! it’s near perfect!! :DD it’s just a dry, texas snow lol
it makes me think of my favorite weathers and what nots :) i am now looking forward to next fall! it’s so breezy and cool! and if it were fall, then i would be done with this year and i would be in the life as i see it :) i want the life that i keep daydreaming of! :) so hurry up and...
i wish
i wish i weren’t shy! i wish i knew what was going on in peoples worlds around me. the people that i care about. i for some reason am living in my own world, and i am somehow having trouble getting to the real world! i want to be involved in your life, but i am just too shy ;p
but i would give up whatever this world i am living in for a chance to spend time with you :) dinner and a movie...
