March 2011
18 posts
ok. this is going to seem insane
last night was insane! in one of those good ways. in reality, it was probably not good. i told you to expect changes, but i guess i needed one more day to just go crazy before finally changing. so just know: last night (yeah, that one where i stayed up til six in the morning and slept through all my classes) was insane.
today. i have really been keeping my focus on what i need to. to make things...
expectations
expect some changes :) and if you dont see them, then punch me in the face and tell me to stop screwing around!!
it’s gonna happen…the change that is :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEO5rAcwlvc this is probably on my top ten of fave songs!
i hate having to hold back the desire to tell you “no, you don’t look like crap, you look perfectly beautiful.”
but i know i have to hold back, because it’s what you want. it’s probably what you need too, but i try not to think about it too much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8XrFXpDIYU
tyler's in town!!! :D
and i love having the three amigops (not a typo) in our hometown again!!! ^_^
i have realized how much i need those two in my life! they give me balance. with just tayler, i am prone to do things like smoke or party or do something illegal, but with tyler i want to become a good man. so they balance me perfectly! but i will only have this balance for a couple weeks :( then my good half is off to...
such a delicate balance. it’s being maintained, i believe (ish). i still have these moments when i wish time came where i could let you understand everything that you dont. i wish i had more moments with you where i could actually be open and unafraid.
but regret is just such a bastard. i dont know what to do. wait with futile hope that you will give me a chance to let you understand?...
because life is still going and i have other stuff to think and blog about, let’s just say that the rest of the europe was great and life changing and gave me alot to think about :) so, let’s continue.
since everyone has heard about it, i would assume the ridiculous by assuming you have heard that “wayland girl” and i are dating. we’re not. and i feel good about it....
I wish I were stronger
I wish I were stronger. I wish you could see me as a stronger ex. I wish I was on your list of best friends. I wish I weren’t on your list of people that you must assure your bf not to be paranoid about. I wish you could see me happy.
I wish you could also see me as I am now. I wish you could see how much I hate chik fliks. I wish you could see how miserable I am. I wish you could see...
idk?
this one will be about prague if i have time. cuz first there is this:
i have watched quite a few romantic comedies since i’ve come back already. and one that caught my attention was “she’s out of my league.” and then i went straight from that to “sexdrive.” both movies are inappropriate, yes, but they both have the same concept, a good guy that is totally lame...
i mini euro post :)
i’m in austria :) and it’s awesome ^_^ vienna is amazing, and leipzig and prague were great too ^_^ maybe i’ll split this into 3 separate entries. so, let’s start with leipzig, since it was the first (chronological is always a plus!).
landed in leipzig after a 6 hr bus ride, 3 hr layover in chicago after dfw, then a seven hour plane, then got to leipzig, and waited on the...
so i have been floating, and have been drowning, and have even swam in some directions in hope of finding land. but it’s like i’m seeing land and swimming in the opposite direction. at this point, i think the only way i will feel land is by sinking to the bottom. here’s hoping.
let’s use a more familiar analogy also (cuz i’m in an analogy mood i guess). remember how...
last night and being vague and this blog seems...
last night was really, really, really bad. that’s all. it was just horrible…
o! btw! youre a fucking moron!!! why are you so damn stupid!!! stop being a jackass!!!!!! i cant believe you are actually like this!!! what the fuck is wrong with you!?!?! you piss me off beyond understanding!!!
but. someone cares. and at this point. that is all i want more than anything.
...
someone teach me
my heart is pounding and i dont know why!!!!! i feel like it’s about to explode!!! it feels afraid…that’s just stupid! i have nothing to fear, and seriously in a normal situation of chillin before bedtime. idk
i cant stop daydreaming, wishing, and hoping. what stupid and useless things! i am telling myself that it’s pointless and only makes things worse, so why cant i...
so i cant stop
i cant stop composing!!! 0_0 it’s ten til 3, and i have to sing for a church with choir tomorrow. I just cant stop! i started thinking about that quote about the sun never saying “you owe me” to the Earth, and i keep hearing this choir singing this epic song about it! so i have to get the epic onto paper! :) at least i hope it’s epic! lol and then i get caught up with just...
Planning
What are you thinking Brian? Stick to the plan! Your foiling your own plans. You tried giving up, then you started trying. So giving up didn’t work, and trying sure as hell ain’t workin. So the plan is to float. And now you’re messing this one up! You aren’t floating, you’re drowning yourself. Stick to the plan!
omg i have juries tomorrow!!
i have juries twice a semester. theyre pretty much midterms for playing the viola! and i have one tomorrow!!! it’s gonna be fun and hard!!!! >_< fun cuz i love my etudes and hard cuz…well…theyre also tough! :) i slept through piano today, and the teacher was pissed and suggested calling me a half hour before each class to ensure that i get there! so she was sorta...
Where no one can find me
good day! :) i think i finished the second movement to a sonata i’m working on :) THE THIRD MVMT IS GONNA KILL ME!!! :DDDD and i am looking forward to it! lol
after this, i am probably going to go to bed (BEFORE 2!!) i know, i’m just as surprised! so, today was just a normal day. that’s purty much it…
i did realize this today: love is not just something that is meant to...
busy busy busy
had a crazy day. after class, skipped lunch and went straight to international choir to accompany one of their pieces on viola, went straight to my private viola lessons, went straight from there to orchestra, straight from there to teaching the string methods class, straight from there to recording Dr. Fountain’s piano recital. and then i finally ate dinner around 10 something and have been...
woot
sorta a relaxed woot. not so much a WOOT! but just a woot :) i have been listening to chopin for over an hour and have so much in my head about music and i feel like i am breathing easily!
reading about chopin having tuberculosis and schumann having a mental illness and him trying to drown himself makes me really love these composers for their hardships and yet their undying need to write...
